A pep-talk, Rice, and Beans

Last night Erik and I went to the Largo to see the Watkins Family Hour. My main reason for dishing out for this particular show was because Fiona Apple, my musical hero, was going to be a special guest performer. When I saw her name on the list I immediately called to order tickets. But I had to WAIT to hear back from the Largo ticket guy to tell me if I got them or not. The anticipation was killer. I kept thinking about all the times I have gone to the Largo in hopes that she would show up. A few friends of mine have been there for that. I had not been so lucky. Gillian Welch showed up last time and that was great, but i couldn't help but be a little disappointed that Fiona didn't magically appear up on stage too. My high hopes fall hard sometimes.

But not this time.

We got tickets and drove out to L.A. It was a great show. I love watching musicians that LOVE to play. I love it when I get to watch people in their element, doing exactly what they were created to do. It's absolute magic. But when she finally came out toward the end of the show it was a whole different level of inspiration. They called Fiona out and we gave her an enthusiastic welcome. She walked out onto the stage looking a little shy and slightly disheveled. She stood there small and quiet aside from her nervous giggling.

Then the music began to play and we were all slammed in the face by her giant voice.

She was completely possessed by the music. It's as if everyone else in the room disappeared and she was suddenly IN IT. Her emotions were in it. You could tell by her face that she felt the songs. Her body was in it. She did not hold back. She let the music shake her like a rag doll. She shouted and reached for notes that no one would dare attempt to hit during a performance. And the most inspiring part is that she didn't always hit them AND...she didn't care. She wasn't there to give us a perfect performance. She was there because she loves the music.

More than anywhere else, that is where I want to be. I want to be IN IT. No more inhibitions. Give me untamed PASSION for whatever it is that I may be doing at the time. No more half-assing my music...or anything for that matter. My half-assing is just my ugly ugly fear of failure no matter how I try to justify it. Yours probably is too. But failure is just another part of the game folks...it's kind of a given. So, once we "get" that it's not such a terrible thing after all, we are free to follow our hearts and noses past the dead ends we'll most certainly meet and on to be more fully alive in our own unique element.

Waiting for the perfect time or circumstances to do what you love will most likely never ever present itself. That's why you've got to just jump in headfirst and do it now. If you don't have time, make time and make sacrifices...even if it means that you'll be livin' on rice and beans. At least you'll be happy and free.