My Family

So, I turned 27 on Thursday. It's a little strange to think that I am now into my LATE twenties. Time passes so quickly. Last night we went out to dinner with my mom, Aunt Linda, cousin Greg (who's birthday we were also celebrating), his girlfriend and my other cousin Ryan. Tokyo Waco was an interesting pick. I was amused by our personal chef. He was doing all the tricks and such that most people go there for...but with zero enthusiasm. He was bored. And that made everything funnier for some reason. He made a choo-choo train with a steaming stack of onion rings (noises and all), a Pac-Man with the fried rice, he flipped a few eggs in the air and into his tall white chef hat. 

Anyway, Greg was saying something about our birthdays. He mentioned that he turned 31 and that my turning 27 isn't that bad but when i turn 30 that's when everything goes downhill. That's what a lot of people say. I don't know why. 

At some point during our dinner it hit me. I remember spending birthdays and holidays with my cousins when we would roller-skate in the driveway and play hide and seek. I remember being small. All three of us used to be small and innocent, untouched by the troubles of the world around us. We took to setting up haunted houses and musical performances for the whole family, or if it was late enough we would set up forts with sheets, pillows, tables and chairs. 

I imagined our faces as children and then looked around the table at who we were now. So much has happened. So much death. Death in the form of divorce and suicide and all kinds of 'endings' of the safe and secure little lives we had. Through the last 10 years or so the little family that we all had left quietly drifted apart. I don't think we had enough strength to carry each other through to the other side. It was something that happened. I don't know if it was good or bad necessarily, but each individual turned to walk their own journey and fight their own battles. 

I sat there watching them laugh and talk, or just sit there. I am very thankful for the answered prayer for healing and for becoming a family again. We have come a long way since our birthday parties at Bullwinkles. I am just amazed at how quickly it has all gone by and saddened by the time I've wasted by not being fully present in recent years. 

But I think I'm ready now. I think we're all ready and eager to be a family again. The past is gone. I can't change the times we weren't there for each other, but I can and want to be present now.