You are Invited to my bon fire party

There are few people out there who are completely at peace with themselves. They may like themselves in Summertime but not in Winter because of some sort of change that throws off their routine. They could be happy but guilt follows them around closer than their own shadow. They could break free from old habits but they can't envision themselves any differently. So, they stay put, closing all their windows and doors to sit in the darkness of what is familiar and 'safe', breathing in the stale air that smells of dust and mildew. This could be you. It is certainly me much of the time.

May I introduce to you, my little shack of self-destructive wallowing. Let's call it BlaaaawalloweeepieVille:

I don't really know where I am going at the moment. There are lots of uncertainties. Jobs are proving to be a bit unstable. I am no longer in seminary (by choice..I was NOT banished, though that would make for a much better story). Most of the friends who truly know me have moved far away. And I do not like talking on the telephone so this makes me feel friendless and unknown even when I am not. Here in BlaaawalloweepieVille I make my bed feeling lost and forgotten. It is a lonely little place, but for some reason I do not easily walk away from it. 

But sometimes I do. On good days I open the door and stand outside. This is a good practice. It gets me back in touch with reality again. 

Sitting out on our porch early in the morning I listen to the birds singing their songs and watch the squirrels chase each other up and down the olive tree. They are not worried. They are perfectly at peace with doing what they were made to do. They are content in their song even when the seasons change. 

As I watch them I sink into my own contentment. I breathe in the morning and am happy to be alive. 

And seeing as my overall New Years resolution is to be fully ALIVE and not just going through the motions...especially if they are of the self sabotaging kind, I think it's time to burn BlaaawalloweepieVille to the ground. 

That's good news. 

And even better news is that you are all invited. So bring your lawn chairs, blankets, loved ones, hangers and marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate bars. I have a deep love for bon fire parties.